What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 02:23
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was 9 years of age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
How are max different from medical and minimum security prisons?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Put me off passion for life!!
What’s the saddest thing you’ve seen at your job?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I will be 64.
Can I know a love story of a medical student?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I think the readers, may guess!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
Which country has the best and strictest legal system in the world?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I could never make a relationship work though!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So, i spoilt her more .
I waited trembling.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
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They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
Why would Hugh Grant cheat on Elizabeth Hurley?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
Who then, do I blame.?
We all went to grammer schools
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Comes on , in middle age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She found it foreign!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Would this be the day?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is soul school!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And i lived it daily.
He knew the spot.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
When she asked me how she looked .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im still living with it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I said to her
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My life is so biszare .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were not on the streets..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ive learnt so much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So whats the point in blame.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was in good health!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
(And it was in our own minds.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She married twice! .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My family never makes their pension either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What did i know ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But it wasn’t much.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
All the time i was locked up.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But, we were locked up after school.
I have no regrets .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.